As midfielder Mike Magee says, “I hear horror stories about how other teams travel, but when we go to CONCACAF tournaments we’re on the Lakers’ plane. Everything’s first-class.

Sports Illustrated

Well, pin a rose on your fucking nose, Magee. And your team can suck it.

Marcus Hahnemann looks thrilled at the prospect of wearing that camo jersey. Can you blame him?

Marcus Hahnemann looks thrilled at the prospect of wearing that camo jersey. Can you blame him?

Originally Posted By elphabulous

The list of options for “favorite soccer site” on the MLSsoccer.com survey

  • Univision Futbol
  • Bigsoccer
  • ESPNsoccer
  • Foxsoccer
  • MLSsoccer.com
  • Soccer By Ives
  • Medio Tiempo
  • MLS Club Sites
  • Washington Post (Goff)
  • USsoccer
  • Goal.com

I should’ve checked “other” and written in “suicide.” (Survey is here. Go forth and screw with the results!)

Secretly Planning to Cheat on You: On the Road, Jack Kerouac.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it. This book is straight up terrible. It’s a bunch of rambling about eating some sandwiches and driving around while eating sandwiches, and driving around, and then making some more sandwiches, which you will then eat while driving around. It is the universal favorite book of commitment-phobes. And please don’t quote me that paragraph about how the only people for you are the mad ones who pop like roman candles. You know what’s better than a dude who pops like a roman candle? A dude who can keep it in his pants, rent his own apartment, and cook you something other than a sandwich once in a while.

Favorite Books of the Secretly Jerky, the Hairpin

God, seriously. On the Road is so horrendously bad.

No, Fancy Feast, I will not marry “us.” Kitten marriage is still illegal. And I don’t like the looks of that one anyway.

When you hang out with [Bill] Simmons, it pretty quickly becomes clear that the world he creates in his columns — “Sports Guy’s World,” as his ESPN homepage is known — is also the one he inhabits, surrounded as often as not by his buddies, who run the gamut from fantasy-sports pals to N.B.A. executives. It’s a soothing, reassuring place where what matters most are sports, movies and television, and the casual sexism comes with the irony baked-in. “I like the post-assassination Jackie,” Simmons said during a Kennedy riff one recent afternoon in Los Angeles. “She was superhot.

NY Times

Oh, okay. As long as it’s ironic. God, I cannot stand Bill Simmons.

Emails with my BFF

Me:
Also, um, Robbie Rogers is on the Gold Cup roster. And so is Sacha Kljestan. Like, what?
Sarah:
Are we desperate?
Me:
OH MY GOD SO IS FREDDY ADU
Sarah:
ARE YOU SURE THAT'S THE 2011 ROSTER?
Originally Posted By needsmorekittens
Originally Posted By shortshortstallsocks

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